THE RELATION Of ASSISTANCE 


Difficulties of exceeding to carry out the maintenance of assistance.
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Fear of maintenance

 Some can be afraid of the affectivity of others, fear in front of their own emotional reactions, fear of not knowing to lead a maintenance… all these fears come from the lack of insurance and the lack from method.

The speaker is often related to "to compensating" while being locked up in a strict system (to fill out a very ready card) or in a rigid attitude. It is besides this type of defense which appears under various justifications when one proposes to a speaker a training course or a transfer of improvement to forge a new method.

  Fear of silences

A panic seizes some at selective times, at the beginning or the end of the maintenance, at the moment when they feel that a confidence or a personal secrecy of the subject starts, they fear to be taken directly with part by an interrogation; however the most frequent case is the fear of silences. When a silence is established, certain people cannot support it and launch out in personal questions, digressions, calls or various pressures to make it cease. In addition to the fact that silence is considered by certain a technique with whole share, one can also wonder about this particularly interesting phobia of the silence from the psychological, but particularly harmful point of view with the control of maintenance.

The motivations seem to be :

- fear of the vacuum like phenomenon of nothing, generator itself of anguish.

- impression of waste of time, generating impatience.

- impression of personal inefficiency, starting the feeling of personal destruction or culpability.

- fear of being judged by the other which is locked up in its thoughts (and dumbness) without explanations.

- the magic and nonrational fear of silence as if it carried in him a threat, signs precursory of a nearest explosion of the subject or why not of a cosmic catastrophe !

Difficulty of remaining centered on the subject without having major initiative 

Certain speakers have the impression that if they do not intervene positively, one "will be mislaid". They want "to know where one goes" and outward journey where they believe duty outward journey. Appalling vicious circle since to include/understand, the subject should be helped to be explained without inducing parasitic reactions, and one cannot know where one goes before it is not explained completely, why he does not reveal all his reserves. 

A kind of confusion takes place mentally between the initiative and the effectiveness. However here not only "temperaments" or practices, but still the desire nonconscious hide of keeping the superiority, of appeasing a will for power, of being regarded as credit having initiatives, to remain the "director" of maintenance, i.e. to have (and to show) an authority. 

Morals difficulties

 They are difficulties of admitting maintenance like a technique, by fear "to handle" the subject, "to draw to him without its knowledge the worms of the nose" or by moral concern to make maintenance a true dialogue where the speaker engages very as much as the person. 

Let us suppose that these conscientious objections are sincere, that these arguments are not secondary screens or rationalizations hiding a desire to preserve practices, a faith in an uncontrolled intuition, and the fear of the change. 

It is seen well that solidarity, the friendship, the affection, were "to us" one historical moment in the groping towards the effective relation and that the two objectives which are point out it :

- To include/understand the problem in the terms where it is posed for such singular person in her singular existence,

- To help the subject to evolve/move personally in the direction of a better adaptation to economic, psychological and social realities,
are more surely reached by the method of centration on the subject. 

- To iunderstand the problem in the terms where it is posed for such singular person in her singular existence,

- To help the subject to evolve/move personally in the direction of a better adaptation to economic, psychological and social realities, are more surely reached by the method of centration on the subject. 

But It is time to show that, even if the implication of the emotional kind is to be proscribed, a true engagement of the speaker in maintenance is possible and desirable. This engagement is carried out according to two related axes:

- by the effort of empathy

- by the authenticity.

                                                                    Continuation : Effort of empathy and authenticity.


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